President Bob
I’ve decided to run for President. Although in a general sense it could be said that I’m for common sense, here’s a more thorough explanation of my stance on specific issues to help you prepare and make a wise decision in the upcoming election. Although I do not yet have a running mate, I intend to extend an invitation to Dr. Stupid, who has been an inspiration on some of these points. Thank you for your time.
(If any of these points sound familiar, it’s because I’ve cherry-picked the best (my POV) from various politicians across the spectrum to create myself as a super candidate.)
Abortion, Health Care:
- Oppose all restrictions on access to abortion.
- Stem Cell research should not be limited.
- Stem cells hold promise to cure 70 major diseases.
- Single-payer health care system (paid for from taxes) for all citizens.
- Full coverage includes dental and vision, as well as preventative care like massage.
Budget & Economy, Jobs, Welfare & Poverty:
- Socialize all financial & insurance institutions.
- Steeply graduated income tax and estate tax.
- Limit maximum income to 20-times minimum income ($40,300 minimum, $806,000 maximum).
- $40,300 minimum annual income means $775 “take home” per week. $806,000 maximum annual income means $15,500 “take home” per week.
- 30-hour work week with 6-weeks annual paid vacation. Overtime allowed at time-and-a-half.
- Unemployment compensation at 100% of previous income.
- Expand welfare and eliminate poverty with guaranteed income for all via a living wage.
Civil Rights, Education, Gun Control, Government Reform:
- Ban military tribunals, restore habeas corpus.
- Drastic revisions to current election system, in part to encourage multiple parties.
- Emphasize that this is a government of the people, by the people, for the people.
- Universal access to education.
- Science must guide us. No government references to creationism.
- Raise military enlistment age to 21.
- Raise teacher pay to raise education quality.
- Remove all restrictions on marriages and sodomy laws.
- Marriage preceded religion; it’s not a religious term.
- Eliminate affirmative action. Eliminate special rights for minority groups (i.e. Indian casinos).
- Assure equal rights to all regardless of gender, race, age, sexual orientation, political background, etc.
- Require license & training for gun ownership. Move toward elimination of guns from society.
- Ban lobbyist campaign donations. Public financing of campaigns with free TV access.
- Full transparency on all government issues not immediately related to protection of state. Post everything online. Secrecy makes democracy a sham.
Corporations, Technology, Energy & Oil, Environment:
- Leadership fails because US is run by corporate America.
- Purpose of economy is to meet people’s needs, not business’. Corporations serve the people.
- Not all corporations are bad, but corporations do need to be better managed.
- Wal-Mart is case study in genius of American marketplace.
- Patent system does more harm than good. It needs to be heavily revised.
- Achieve high-speed Internet access for all Americans.
- Provide “netbook” laptop to all Americans to create a government-citizen interface for news, voting, etc.
- Criticism of country often stems from love of country. Encourage open communication via government-citizen interface.
- Achieve quality public transportation across the nation.
- Raise minimum MPG rating on new vehicles to 50 MPG by 2012, and 100 MPG by 2016. Continue aggressive growth thereafter.
- Develop alternative energy sources: solar, geothermal, wind, hydropower, nuclear, and biomass.
- Require companies to clean up their own toxic waste.
- Tougher regulations on emission requirements.
- Use common sense when it comes to managing our environment, endangered species, etc.
- Like China, begin experimenting with zero-carbon green cities.
Foreign Policy, Free Trade, Immigration, War & Peace:
- Meet with enemy leaders; it’s a disgrace that we have not.
- Large-scale transfer of technology to developing countries.
- End US embargo against Cuba.
- Sanctions never work, unless regime’s victims ask for them.
- Replace intervention with participation, not isolation.
- Trade agreements only benefit shareholders.
- Give sanctuary to illegal immigrants & full social services.
- Give immigrants a rigorous path to citizenship.
- Pull American troops out; it can be done in 120 days.
- Cut military budget by 75%. We’ll still be spending the most on military in the world by more than three times the next spender.
Drugs, Crime, Values & Principals:
- Stop punishment for victimless crimes: drugs, sex & gambling.
- Reduce prison sentences for non-violent crime.
- Eliminate capital punishment.
- Base justice system on mediation and rehabilitation.
- War on drugs is a total failure.
- Support national ban on smoking in public places.
- Lower drinking age from 21 to 18.
- Allow buying marijuana at liquor stores. Legalize industrial hemp.
- Decriminalize hard drugs so we can treat addicts.
- Remove religious references from government. Treat religious groups as any other private group.
