TrickyBuddha Studios

Some people baby-proof their house. We cat-proof it. Specifically:

The Bits, stalking the sink for soapy water -- notice how he camouflages with the sink's metal surface

Bits-Proof: To Bits-proof a house is to turn the dishes in the sink upside-down so as to keep the Bits from trying to drink dirty, soapy dish water out of them. Apparently, cool and clean water out of a fountain (yes, a fountain) is not good enough for the Bits. Also, all glasses of water must be removed from any accessible counters or they will be knocked over by the Bits and create a watery mess. It is uncertain why the Bits does this but it can only be supposed that the cup is perceived as a threat. And a wary eye must be devoted to other animals’ favorite sleeping locales, as the Bits lives to take those beds away from them — even if these new locations are less comfortable than the Bits’ own sleeping nooks. Doing so will make for a more peaceful environment.

The Spook, preparing to strike

Spook-Proof: To Spook-proof a house, like Bits-proofing, also necessitates the removal of glasses of water from accessible counters by the owner. However, no further attention to items in the sink is required by the owner, as the Spook has no interest in such things. Typically, this is the full definition of Spook-proofing, though sporadically there is another article whereby the owner must blockade in the bedroom curtain — as the Spook has come to greatly enjoy letting light into the bedroom while the owner sleeps. The Spook is crafty, however, and properly Spook-proofing a bedroom curtain is difficult; it may require propping a trash can and/or a pillow against the base, and piling laundry on any nearby desks. Attention must be further spent on any other scalable items in the bedroom, such as bedside tables, or the Spook will hop up onto them and down from them repeatedly throughout the night.

The Feyna, in the wild

Feyna-Proof: There is no Feyna-proofing a house. Typical behavior of a Feyna is to expel mucus in a 240 degree radius from the head area, and this behavior can occur at any time without provocation. Much like the left-overs of the Spook’s binge-and-purge digestive exercise, the owner must accept this behavior will occur and be prepared to respond when it does. As well, while the entertainment center’s backside (where the wires reside) can be Bits- and Spook-proofed, the Feyna is too small for the owner to properly obstruct her path. The owner should do his best to keep a watchful eye on any small pathways to these wires. However, if necessary, a Bits will effectively Feyna-proof a litter box and a hallway if given the freedom to do so. While this could theoretically solve short-term problems, it most assuredly will have long-term repercussions.